Leap of Faith
by GeekGoddess345
Summary: Mark and Roger's lives become very complicated. Chapter Eight finally up.
1. Chapter 1

Title-Leap of Faith

Author-GeekGoddess345

Summary-Mark and Roger misunderstand a few things about each other.

Pairing-Mark/ Roger

Rating-T

Feedback-Always appreciated

Disclaimer-I own nothing. They belong to Jonathon Larson. Author's Note-This is the first Rent fanfic I've ever written and I'm nervous about how it's going to turn out. Also, I tried really hard to kill off Angel but I just couldn't go through with it. So this story takes place right before "Without you".

Italics mean you're reading from that person's point of view.

_

* * *

__Roger_

To know Mark is to love him. In fact, he only person who doesn't love Mark is Mimi, and that's not even his fault, it's mine. I loved him more than I loved her, and she couldn't take it.

To love Mark though, that's not as easy. It's even harder if you love him from afar. I mean how do you justify falling in love with you're straight best friend?

I never meant for it to happen, but the change was so slow, that by the time I realized I was already in too deep. There was no way out. At first I tried to ignore it, but as the days went by it got harder. I found myself thinking about him constantly. I was thinking about things a best friend shouldn't think about. Like his lips, I often wondered how soft they would be against my skin. I wondered how it would feel to run my hands through his hair, or run my fingers across his chest. Worst of all though, I wondered what he'd taste like. Something sweet would be my best bet, because that's what he is. He's sweet, beautiful, smart, and way out of my league. Unrequited love is the hardest love by far.

I've actually been avoiding him the last week just incase I slip up and tell him how I feel. It's just easier for me to ignore him than to risk the chance of being embarrassed when he tells me he doesn't feel the same way.

I know Mark could never love me, but sometimes I let myself imagine would would happen if he did. I know it seems pathetic, but it's all I have. Unfortunately even my fantasies have drawbacks, because sooner or later I realize all the reasons it could never work.

1. Mark is straight.

2. He doesn't love me

3. He deserves someone who can treat him right.

4. He wouldn't want an ex-junkie

5. I'm not good enough.

6. I'm HIV+.

The last one alone is reason enough not to tell him how I feel. I could never live with myself if I condemned him to a life like mine. It's ironic; I love him too much to ever be with him. And even if he didn't get it, why would he want someone who's going to die and leave him alone. I don't want him to have to take care of me as I die. I don't want him to live with that burden.

So my not telling him how I feel is not because I'm scared, it's for his own good. Right?

_

* * *

Mark_

I'm starting to get tired of everbody's secrets. Eveybody's got secrets all of a sudden. Hell, even I'm keeping secrets from everyone. And secrets aren't always easy to keep.They can tear you up inside until you just can't take it anymore. Sometimes it gets so hard to keep everything inside that you're tempted to shout your personal life to the world.

It's gets hard sometimes, things can just become too much for me to bear. Everybody expects me to keep his or her secrets safe, without even considering how I feel about it. It's not like I don't have secrets of my own keeping me up at night.

Nobody ever thinks how all of this affects me. They just come to me like it's no big deal. "It's okay, we'll just tell Mark all of our problems, he won't mind. He's always ready to help." The truth is, I don't have all the answers. I don't even have any answers for myself. I'm as screwed up as the rest of them; I just refuse to let it show. I'm supposed to be the happy one, so that's who I pretend to be. It's easier to act happy than it is to put up with all the questions as to why you're upset.

And since we're being truthful here, I'll admit that I haven't been really happy for a while now. Sure there've been some good days, but more often than not we've had a pretty shitty time. Everything just seems to be going wrong.

I'm also really concerned about Roger. He hasn't been the same since Mimi took off with Benny. He's even more quiet and withdrawn than normal. He won't even look me in the eyes anymore. We barely talk, and if we do it's just to grunt hello or bye while passing each other in the loft.

Things haven't been this awkward since Roger's drug days. But he can't be using. He wouldn't do that again. He wouldn't put all of us through that hell a second time around. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Title-Leap of Faith

Author-GeekGoddess345

Summary-Mark and Roger misunderstand a few things about each other.

Pairing-Mark/ Roger

Rating-T

Feedback-Always appreciated. I'm also open to any suggestions. I'm basically making it up as I go along.

Disclaimer-I own nothing. They belong to Jonathon Larson.

Author's Note-First I want to say thank you to those who've reviewed. Second I want to say I'm sorry for any mistakes. I tried my best to correct all of them, but I don't have a beta and some things just slip past me.

Italics mean you're reading from that person's point of view.

* * *

_Roger _

You son of a bitch, I can't believe you just asked me that.

"Is that what you think Mark? You actually think I'm stupid enough to get hooked again?"

"What am I supposed to think Roger? You've ignored me ever since Mimi left, you stay in your room for hours at a time, I don't know what to do anymore."

"You could've trusted me, we're supposed to be friends Mark. I can't believe that after everything we've been through you still doubt me."

"You want me to trust you Roger, then tell me what in the hell is going on! I'm tired of all this secrecy. Just tell me why you're acting like this."

"I don't have to tell you anything! This is my life and I can make my own decisions."

"Yeah you can make your own decisions, but I'm the one who has to clean up the mess. I'm the one who found April. I'm the one who forced you into rehab. I'm the one who held you when the tremors got so bad you couldn't take it anymore. And I'm the only one who's going to mourn you're death because you've shut out everyone else."

"I've never asked you for any of that."

"Well too bad. Did you think I was just going to sit around and watch the person I love slowly kill themselves?" What did he just say?

"Wait!" I yell as he runs out of the loft. "Mark wait!"

Fuck, this can't be happening. This cannot be happening.

"Would you just stop?" I yell as I run out the door after him. Shit, where did he go?

"Mark!" I call as I search the crowds outside for his spiky blonde hair. Nothing. Not even a trace. What am I gonna do? Where the hell did he go?

* * *

_Mark_

Where am I going to go now?

I could go to Joanne's, but Maureen is probably there. I really don't want to talk her right now. I could always go to Collins' apartment. He'll understand. He's always understood Roger and I.

Oh god, what did I do? I just told my best friend that I loved him. I just…oh god, oh god, oh god. I think I'm gonna be sick.

"Mark?"

"Yeah Collins?" I ask as I lift my head up from the cement.

"Why are you puking on my doorstep?"

"I did something very stupid a few minutes ago."

"Come on in, I've got some extra vodka I was saving." He says as he takes my arm and leads me in to his apartment. He pours two glasses and then sits next to me on the couch.

"So what happened?"

"I asked Roger if he was using again."

"Mark." He says sadly.

"I was worried about him. He hasn't been the same and I didn't know what to do."

"So then he got all offensive and you guys started to fight." He says knowingly.

"Would you like to tell the story now?"

"Sorry, sorry."

"So we fought. And then I told him I didn't want to sit around and watch the person I love kill themself."

"So you ran." He sighs.

"Pretty fast if I do say so myself. I think it was the adrenaline."

"So this is your reason for getting sick all over my doormat?"

"I'm not sure what to do." I say as I gulp down some more alcohol. "I…I think it could be true."

"I'm only going to ask you this one time okay?"

"Okay."

"Are you in love with Roger."

"I uh…I'm…I'm in love with him." I manage to spit out. Then I down the rest of my glass and run to the bathroom to puke what's left of my measly breakfast.

"I knew this would come out eventually." Collins says as he pats my back.

"What are you talking about?"

"Things have been brewing between you two since the moment you guys met. I've just been waiting."

"I don't want to love him Collins. I don't want to feel this way."

"I know how you feel Mark. But you can't just pick and choose whom you'll fall in love with. It's not that easy."

"I want to die now." I say as I sink to the floor beside the toilet.

"I know that feeling too."


	3. Chapter 3

Title-Leap of Faith

Author-GeekGoddess345

Summary-Mark and Roger misunderstand a few things about each other.

Pairing-Mark/ Roger

Rating-T

Feedback-Always appreciated. Reading everyone's reviews make me very happy.

Disclaimer-I own nothing. They belong to Jonathon Larson.

Author's Note-I was having trouble trying to figure out what the characters should do next, so I decide to have a flashback piece to show how the boys met. I also thought it would be a nice little bridge between chapters. I should have the next one up in a few days as well.

I also want to thank PrettyBoyFrontManLove for all the help in writing this.

Italics show whose point of view you're in.

* * *

Previously on Leap of Faith- "Things have been brewing between you two since the moment you guys met. I've just been waiting."

(For all you who skip the Author's notes I want to reiterate that this is a flashback.)

_Roger_

"Hey dude, watch out," I say as some scrawny geek bumps into me in the park.

"Sorry," he mumbles before dropping down on the bench next to me. He looks kind of depressed.

"Hey kid, you got a smoke?" I ask as I sit next to him.

"What?" he asks as he looks up. Wow, he looks like he's only 17.

"Do you have any cigarettes?"

"I don't smoke," he replies as he pushes his boxy black-rimmed glasses up

"You're new in town right?"

"Yeah, I just got here this morning."

"Oh, where are you from?"

"Scarsdale." Well, this is a little awkward.

"Um…I'm Roger. Roger Davis." I say as I stick out my hand. He shakes it and smiles shyly.

"Mark Cohen."

"Nice to meet you, Mark."

"Nice to meet you too."

"Hey listen, since you're new here. Uh, do you have anywhere to go?"

"No, I wasn't exactly planning on coming to the city. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing."

"You know, my roommates and I have this loft a few streets over." Why do I care so much about this kid? Maybe he just reminds me of what it was like for me when I first came here.

"I don't know…I don't even know you."

"Hey it's okay, I don't bite. And my roommates are pretty cool. Well at least Collins is. He helped me out when I first got here."

"You sure it'll be okay?"

"Yeah, they're always bringing home strays, so I guess it's my turn."

"Thanks a lot," he says as he stands up and slings his bag over his shoulder.

"It's nothing, really." And off we go.

(The Loft)

"Hey look, Roger's got a follower." Benny says from the couch as we walk in.

"Fuck off."

"Don't be so touchy, I was just playing. So, introduce me to your new friend."

"Mark, this is Benny. Benny, Mark is going to be staying here for a while.

"And where is he going to sleep exactly?" He asks as he surveys our meager surroundings. "I'm already resigned to the couch."

"Um…I can just sleep on the floor." Mark offers shyly.

"It's okay, I'll just put another mattress down in my room. You can sleep on that if you want."

"Thanks."

"No problem. We can go put your stuff down in there before we forget," I say as he grabs his bag and follows me into the little room.

"It's not much," I say as he surveys everything, "but it's better than the streets."

"It's fine. Really."

"You can just put your stuff in the corner." He looks towards the open door a little and then sighs.

"I don't think Benny likes me."

"Benny doesn't like anyone. Collins should be back soon though. You'll like him." Of course, as soon as I say that we hear the loft door open.

"Speak of the devil," I say as Mark drops his stuff and walks out the door with me.

"You must be Mark, Benjamin here was just saying you were staying for a while."

"It's nice to meet you. Thank you very much for letting me stay with you," Mark says politely as he shakes Collins' hand.

"I'm just glad we finally have someone with manners here. So, where are you from?" Collins asks as he hops onto the table.

"Well, I'm from Scarsdale."

"Nice place."

"I guess so." And now for some uncomfortable silence.

"Hey Mark, how old are you?" Benny asks, suddenly interested.

"I'll uh…be 18 next month." I knew he was young.

"So what, you're a runaway or something?" He asks pointedly.

"I…I really don't want to talk about it right now. Do you think I could just lie down for a while? It's been a long day."

"Yeah, you can just use my bed for now," I offer. Poor kid.

"Thanks. Bye guys," he says awkwardly as he walks into my room.

"I'm gonna go out to that new Cat Scratch Club. You want to come, Roger?" Benny asks as he gathers his stuff and heads towards the door.

"Maybe next time. I don't want to leave him alone in case he wakes up."

"Suit yourself," he says before rolling his eyes and exiting.

"So…" Collins trails off suggestively.

"What?"

"The new guy, he's cute."

"Don't start. It's not like that."

"I'm just saying you could do worse than the cute little blonde sleeping in your bed."

"I'm not doing anything. I'm not gay Collins."

"But you can't deny you've got a soft spot for the boy," he says with a smug smile.

"There are no spots. Nothing. You don't know what you're talking about. I simply thought he needed somewhere to go. I didn't want to just leave him on the streets. Besides, you're always on me to help people. Then the moment I do you try to crucify me."

"Only because I'm always right."

"You wish," I say as I lightly punch him in the shoulder.

"So, are you going to start bringing more homeless blue-eyed boys back here? Or was this just a one-time thing?"

"Mark was just different, okay. He looked like he needed a friend and I just want to help him. That's all there is to it. I can't like him like that. It's not possible."

"For now at least."

"He's a kid, Collins."

"You're barely 2 years older than him. You're basically a kid yourself."

"Shut up."

"One of these days, Roger, one of these days you're going to realize I'm right." Let's hope not.

* * *

_Mark_

"Where am I?" I ask as I wake up in an unfamiliar place. This isn't my bed, and this isn't my lamp. Oh wait, Roger. I'm in his bed. Okay, first I need to find my glasses. That's better. I guess I should see where everybody is.

"Look who's finally up." Collins says as I stumble sleepily out of the room and rub at my eyes.

"What time is it?" I ask as I look around.

"About 11 pm." Roger says as he comes in through the window.

"Thanks."

"I would have woken you up sooner, but I figured you were pretty tired."

"Yeah, I haven't slept a lot lately."

"I'm sorry," he says as he runs his hand through his hair, "Are you hungry? We have some food this week."

"Sure, that would be great." I answer graciously. We stand there in silence for a while until Collins clears his throat loudly.

"Well, I've got some places to go so I'm going to leave you two alone," he says before grabbing his stuff and leaving.

"Hey, where'd Benny go?" I ask as I look around.

"He went off to some strip club. I guess it's just us then," he says as he as he grabs a bag of Captain Crunch out of the cabinet.

"That's dinner?" I ask as I point to the almost empty bag.

"That's basically breakfast, lunch, and dinner," he says as he pours two bowls and hands one to me. "We ran out of milk a few days ago, sorry."

"That's okay. I like my cereal dry anyway," I say as Roger too jumps on the table like Collins did earlier. I guess they're not big on chairs around here.

"You can sit if you want," he offers as I look around for a place to eat.

"Thanks," I say as I try unsuccessfully to get on the table. After a few failed attempts, I finally make it.

"So, you're one of those clumsy people," he says with a smile.

"Yeah. Although I'm a pretty good dancer."

"Really?" he asks, interested

"My mom thought it would be a good idea. She always wanted me to be Fred Astaire. I on the other hand wanted to be Woody Allen."

"You're a filmmaker?"

"Sort of, what about you? What do you do?"

"I'm a struggling musician. And Collins is a philosopher and anarchist. Neither of which are high-paying jobs."

"It's not always about the money though, sometimes it's just about the art," I say as I munch on some cereal.

"You're right. That's what I've always said."

"Cool."

"Can I ask you something?" Roger asks after a few beats.

"Sure."

"Why did you run away?"

"I guess I just couldn't take it anymore. Everyone was always looking down on me. 'Poor Mark, he'll never live up to Cindy.' Or 'It's okay he'll grow out of this director thing eventually.' They never really accepted me."

"That sucks."

"Basically."

"So why didn't you wait until graduation?"

"I was going to originally, but I became upset and couldn't make myself stay anymore. I didn't even tell anyone where I was going."

"Do you want to call your family or anything?"

"Not right now, I'd rather have them worry for a while. I know it sounds bad, but I just want them to feel bad about what happened." Oh shit, I think I said too much.

"What did happen? What aren't you telling me?" He asks as he turns towards me. Maybe I could tell him. Maybe he'll understand.

"My dad drinks a lot." I start. At Roger's nod I take a deep breath and continue.

"When he's not drunk he's a good guy, but those times are few and far between."

"He did something to you?" He asks sadly.

"He…he was always ashamed of me. He wanted his son to be an athlete, not a filmmaker. Most of the time he made fun of me. He was always calling me a 'faggot' or a 'fairy'. Those were his favorites.

"Are you…you know…gay?" What?

"No. I just never had many girlfriends."

"Oh." I wonder what that was about.

"So anyway, he was always just verbally abusive towards me. He never resorted to physical violence. At least not until a few days ago. He came home early, and already pretty drunk, that day. I just happened to be studying with my friend Josh in my room when he stormed in. He said he wasn't going to have any homos in his house and then he pushed me into the wall. But then he wouldn't stop… I fell to the ground and he started kicking me. Thankfully my mom came home right at that moment. She pushed him away from me, and in the time it took her to calm down, I was already out the door. I hitchhiked here and the rest you already know." I can't believe I'm telling him this. I barely even know him.

"Are you okay?" he asks as he looks for any telltale bruises.

"They're on my arms and chest. Places easily covered." I answer as he looks at me sadly.

"No one should have to deal with something like that."

"It's all right. At least you came along. If you hadn't I might be freezing on the streets right now."

"It just seemed like the right thing to do. I was in the same position as you when I first got here. It was tough."

"Jeez, it's cold in here." I say after we sit quietly for a while just eating our cereal.

"The landlord likes to turn off the heat when we can't pay," he says as I run my hands up and down my arms, "Hold on, I think I have something you can use," he says as he hops off the table. I hear what sounds like clothes being thrown around for a few minutes and then he comes out looking victorious.

"My mom gave me this scarf when I was about 15. It's a little faded, but it's still good." He hands me the white and blue striped scarf and I quickly wrap it around my neck.

"Thanks"

"No problem." And then of course, more silence. But at least now it's a comfortable silence. I think I might actually like it here.


	4. Chapter 4

Title-Leap of Faith

Author-GeekGoddess345

Summary-Mark and Roger misunderstand a few things about each other.

Pairing-Mark/ Roger

Rating-T

Feedback-Greatly appreciated. Thanks to all those who've reviewed, you've made my day.

Disclaimer-I own nothing, they belong to Jonathon Larson.

Author's Note- I want to send a big thanks to PrettyBoyFrontmanLove. Without her I might have given up already.

As always, italics show whose point of view you're reading from.

* * *

_Mark_

It's been three days since I ran away from Roger. I know I should go home, but I just can't. Not yet at least. Thankfully, Collins is letting me stay with him. He's the only one I can count on right now.

This is all too much for me to deal with. I'm so confused right now I don't even know which way is up. Everything is so screwed up. First Maureen and Joanne break up, then Mimi runs off, and now I've fallen for my best friend. I am so fucking stupid.

Of all the people to fall in love with I pick my straight, AIDS-ridden, ex-junkie best friend. Do I just make things complicated on purpose? God I hate this. I hate feeling like I have no control over anything anymore. Why can't things just be easy for once? Why does everything have to be so hard?

"Hey Mark, I'm going to meet Angel at the Life Café, do you want to come?" Collins calls through the bathroom door.

"No, just go without me," I call back as I sit on the edge of the tub and rub my face.

"You can't stay in there all day," he says as he knocks on the door.

"Try me."

"Don't do this, Mark. You can't keep hiding from the world. You need to deal with this eventually."

"Please just leave me alone, just go," I plead as I open the door and push my way past him into the living room, "I don't need you on my back right now."

"Will you at least leave the apartment today? You need to do something."

"Maybe, but I'm not promising anything."

"At least it's a step. I'll see you later, okay?" he says sadly as he slowly walks out.

I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm tired of being so down and depressed. Is it wrong for me to want things like they used to be? Why can't I just be happy like I was before? Why can't I be happy without Roger? When did my happiness become tied up with being around him? I wish I had at least some of the answers.

It was never like this with Maureen. I never felt alive when I was around her. She was just a substitute for the person I couldn't have and I was just someone she could count on when she needed something. It was never about love for us, it was about needing someone to fill that empty space in your life.

With Roger it's different though, with him I feel like I belong. It's not about needing him; it's about wanting only him and not just some random person who's gone before you wake up. And I do want Roger, I really do. Hell, he's all I've ever wanted, but there's so much in the way. Including the fact that he may not even make it to thirty. Do I really want to go through that? Do I really want to risk my own life to be with him?

Yes…shit, the answer is yes. I would rather die than live without him. I'd be willing to give up anything, including my health, for just a second in his arms. Oh god, when did it get to be this bad? When did I become this way?

* * *

_Roger_

Everything is so crazy right now. I can't even wrap my mind around what's happening.

Mark loves me. The person I've wanted for years loves me, and I've been too afraid to even talk to him. What's wrong with me? Why can't I tell him how I feel? Aren't I supposed to be the fearless the one?

I really should go up. I've already walked all the way to Collins', so I should just forget my fears and talk to Mark. Unfortunately, I don't know if I'm that strong.

"Roger?"

"Collins? What are you doing here?"

"I live here. But you, an the other hand, don't, so tell me why you're pacing in front of my building." I knew this was a bad idea.

"I was uh…coming to see you." That was so lame.

"Cut the crap, Davis. We both know you're here to see Mark. What I don't know is why it took you so long."

"I um…I wasn't sure how to face him. I didn't know what to say."

"How about 'I've been in love with you since the first moment I met you.' That always worked for me."

"It's not that easy and you know it. If it were, Mark wouldn't have bolted after he told me he loved me."

"Ever think that he was just afraid. It's not like he knows you love him. He probably thinks he's lost his best friend."

"Collins?" I ask after I mull over his words.

"Yeah Roger?"

"Do you think this could work?"

"I don't know; that's up to you two. But if you try, I think you guys might have a pretty good shot at something."

"So I should get up there?"

"Yeah, but I should warn you, he hasn't been himself lately. You might have trouble getting him to listen. He's been really down." Way to kill my enthusiasm, Thomas.

"Okay, I can do this," I say softly to myself as Collins pats me on the back.

"Good luck, kid," he says as he holds the door open for me.

"Thanks."

"Just get him out of my place, he's starting to smell," he jokes before walking away.

I can do this. Just knock on the door. Great, he's not gonna answer.

"Mark, I need to talk to you!" I call as I knock again.

"Not now Roger, I can't deal with this," he calls back.

"You can't keep ignoring me. It's been three days now; will you just open the damn door?"

"Would you go away? I have nothing to say to you." Why does he have to make this so difficult?

"Well too bad, because I have something to say and I'm not leaving until you hear me out." I'm prepared to stay here all day if need be.

"Why won't you just leave me alone? Just go away and let me wallow in my own misery," he yells as the door swings open and his eyes meet mine. I can see just how confused and worried he is and I soften my tone.

"I can't do that, Mark," I say as I lay my hand on his shoulder.

"Why not?" he asks as he shrugs off my hand and makes his way over to the couch.

"I can't do that because…because I love you too much to just give up." There it is, I said it.

"You can't love me." What is he talking about?

"But I do, why don't you understand that? I've always loved you."

"No, this can't be happening." For crying out loud, what's it going to take!

"Well, it is happening Mark, and it should have happened years ago."

"What about Mimi? What about April? Didn't you love them?" I thought I did, but it's nothing compared to what I've always felt about him.

"Not like I love you. It's always been different with you."

"This isn't going to be easy," he says as I go and sit next to him, "in fact, this is going to be incredibly difficult."

"But I'm willing to try Mark. Can't you do the same?" I plead as I reach for his hand and thread my fingers through his.

"Aren't you scared?" he asks as I move towards him. More than you'll ever know.

"Petrified," I whisper before leaning in to kiss him. God this feels so right.

"Wait," he says as he pulls away.

"What, what's wrong?" Did I screw up already?

"I…I think we need to slow down. We need to think this through first." Slow down? I think I can do that.

"Okay, think things through. That's fine," I say as I stare at Mark's lips. I was right, he does taste sweet.

"Roger? Are you listening?"

"Of course I am."

"I was saying that maybe we should start off slowly. So that things don't get weird." I wonder if the rest of him tastes as sweet?

"Sure, that's a good idea. Slow." I can do this; this is going to be a piece of cake.

"Maybe...maybe I could come back to the loft?"

"I'd like that. I've missed you," I say shyly as he looks at me with a slight smile.

"I missed you too," he says as he hugs me lightly. Come on Roger, you can do this. Don't think about his body pressed against yours. You can get through this.

"I guess we should get your stuff." I say as I break the hug and take a deep breath.

"Okay," he says as he runs his hand through his hair and smiles at me. I can get through this. I can go slowly. I have to go slowly for his sake as well as mine. There are a lot of obstacles in our way.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note- I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their support, it really means a lot to me. I'm sorry it took so long; school's been hell this week and I'm pretty sure my teachers hate me.

As always, italics show whose point of view you're reading from.

* * *

_Roger_

I'll admit it, things have been really awkward between Mark and me lately. In fact, we've basically stopped speaking to each other all together. We're not fighting or anything, it's more like we don't know what to say to each other.

A few days ago we decided to attempt a relationship. We agreed to take things slow when we decided to try and have a relationship, but instead of going slowly, we're at a complete standstill. We're not even in the same room half the time. The most I can get out of Mark is a grunt hello or goodbye. This has got to stop today.

"Hey Mark, can I ask you something?" I inquire as he enters the loft. He looks shocked for a second but then makes his way over to the couch.

"What is it?" Wow, he seems really nervous.

"Well…you see, I was wondering…maybe you'd like…" God, now I'm nervous too. I'm even starting to sound like Mark.

"Are you okay?" Mark asks worriedly.

"Doyouwanttogooutwithme?" I blurt out. I sound so stupid right now.

"Out? Like a date?" I don't think his eyes can get any wider.

"I just thought, since we're going slow and all, that maybe you'd like to hang out. A first date kind of thing." This was a stupid idea. He probably thinks I'm crazy.

"I'd like that," he says softly.

""Seriously?" Am I imagining things?

"Yeah, that…would be nice.

"Good. So um…how about tonight?"

"Okay, that's fine," he says as he gets off the couch with a smile and disappears into his room. Well, I have a date with Mark. Wow.

Wait, I don't even have any money. Think Roger, who can you borrow twenty bucks from? I guess it's time to visit Collins.

(Collins' apartment)

"Hey Collins! Open up," I call out as I knock on his door. I hear a string of curses before he finally opens up.

"What could you possibly want right now?" he asks as he glares daggers at me.

"I really need to borrow 20 dollars."

"For what?" I'm pretty sure he's losing his patience with me.

"I've got a date tonight and I'm totally broke."

"A date? But I thought you and Mark were…you know?"

"Give me some credit man. Who do you think I'm going out with?"

"You've got a date with Mark? I'd like to see that."

"Collins, can I borrow the money or not?"

"Not. Sorry, I'm broke too," he says as he glances towards his bedroom door. I wonder what's wrong with him.

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, you could do something that doesn't cost money," he offers.

"This is New York, nothing's free here."

"Can I make a suggestion?" asks a third voice.

"Angel? I uh…I didn't know you were here."

"You didn't ask, now did you honey?" he asks as he walks over to Collins and slips his arm around his waist.

"You heard?" I ask, embarrassed

"Every word. But I'll never tell."

"So you've got a suggestion? I'm open to just about anything right now." 

"Do you think you can get Mark out of the apartment from 4 to 7?" He asks after thinking it over.

"Probably, why?"

"I think I can set something up if you want. You know, call in a few favors."

"You'd do that for me?"

"You and Mark are my friends, I'd be happy to help." Collins turns to Angel with a look of pure admiration and softly kisses his lips.

"He's something, isn't he?" Collins asks as I stand there suddenly feeling out of place.

"I um…I guess I'll talk to you guys later," I say as I begin to back away from the suddenly amorous couple.

"Bye Roger," they call out right before the door closes.

Well, this day may turn out to be very interesting.

* * *

_Mark_

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. In fact, I don't think I've ever been this nervous before.

I guess I shouldn't be feeling this way, I mean it's only Roger. He's only my best friend, roommate, and potential boyfriend. Boyfriend? Well, I never thought I'd use that word to describe my relationship with him. Let's see, Roger is my boyfriend.

"Roger is my boyfriend." I say out loud, sort of testing the waters.

"And here I thought we were going to keep it quiet," Roger says as he walks into the room. I look around for possible exits before he smirks and closes the door.

"I uh…I didn't…I mean…" I stutter. God help me now.

"Okay, stop talking and just breathe," he says softly.

"I didn't know anyone was going to be here," I say, embarrassed by my reaction.

"It's no big deal, I was just joking around." I don't think I've been this uncomfortable around Roger since his drug days.

"So um…where were you? I didn't see you anywhere," I say, trying to make small talk.

"I had to ask Collins about something."

"Oh." For god's sake Mark, say something!

"I know this is weird," Roger says as he rubs a hand on his neck, "I guess I'm just a little nervous."

"I'm the nervous one, not you. I can barely spit out a sentence."

"We'll get better at this eventually. I mean we can't just stop being friends all together," he replies as he goes to sit on the couch.

"I've just…I've never been in this kind of situation before. I'm not sure what to do."

"I don't know either, but we can't stop talking to each other or hanging out. We've just got to get over all this awkwardness."

"I'm willing to try," I say as I make my way over to him and sit on the couch.

"Me too." I think I'd throw this whole slow thing out the window if he kissed me right now.

"So uh…Collins wanted to know if you could go over and help him with something around 4. Something work-related I think," Roger says, quickly changing the subject. Is he trying to kill me here?

"Oh sure, I'd be happy to help."

"Good, that's cool. Just remember to come back around 7:30." 7:30? What's happening tonight? That's right, our…date.

"No problem." I think I need to get out of here for a while, "You know, I think I'm going to go out and film a little."

"Have fun," he replies as I start to gather my stuff.

"I'll see you later," I say quickly before closing the door behind me. I just need to clear my head before tonight. That's all.

(Later that day)

Okay, it's now almost 8:00 and I'm officially late.

I really meant to be back in time, but after I left Collins' I ran into an old classmate from high school. She kept talking and talking and I couldn't get away. Now Roger is probably going to be pissed. I should've blown Crystal off, like she used to do to me back in school. Then I wouldn't have to be late.

"Okay, time to face the music," I say to myself before I open the door.

"Are you okay?" Roger asks right away.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm late." Why isn't he mad?

"I was worried when you didn't show up. I thought maybe you weren't coming."

"I sort of ran into this girl from high school. She wouldn't let me leave. I uh…really wanted to be here."

"Yeah?" He asks, a little unsure.

"Yeah."

"So…I guess we should hurry up, I don't want to hold anyone up," he says as he takes my hand and leads me towards the window.

"Where are we going?" I ask confused.

"To the roof." The roof? He has to be crazy.

"Why are we going up there?"

"Just wait and see," he says happily before letting go of my hand. Huh, suddenly I feel colder. He's halfway to the top before I even begin to climb.

"Come on," he calls down. Well, here goes nothing.

"Wow…" I say taken aback as I step onto the roof. There's a projector set up in front of a white sheet, and a couch in the middle of them both.

"Welcome to your movie on the roof," Angel says with a smile before leading me to the couch. How in the hell did they get that up here?

"Where's Roger?" I ask as I look around.

"He'll be back, now enjoy your movie, honey," Angel replies with a wink before disappearing from view.

I continue to squint in the darkness for Roger, but I give up when I hear the projector turn on. Movie titles start to appear on the makeshift screen and Roger comes out of the darkness and sits next to me.

"Thank you," I say quietly as I turn to him.

"I was hoping you'd like it. Angel had to call in a few favors," he says with what looks like a shy smile.

"It's perfect," I reply before brushing my lips over his. How am I supposed to resist him when he acts like this?

"So are you," he replies after pulling away softly.

"We should probably watch the movie," I say as a blush begins to creep up my face.

"As you wish," he replies as 'Frankenstein' begins to play.

"Hey Rog?" I ask before I forget.

"Yeah?"

"How did you get a couch up here?"

"I really don't want to talk about that right now," he replies with a pained look on his face. I'll get him to tell me eventually. Right now though, I want to thoroughly enjoy my night.

And who knows, maybe we won't go so slowly after all.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note- I'm sorry it took so long to get the chapter up, I've got a cold that I can't seem to shake. I want to say thank you to all the reviewers, you guys really make my day. I wasn't sure anyone would actually like the story.

Another big thanks to PrettyBoyFrontmanLove for her help and encouragement. It means a lot to me.

* * *

_Mark_

Okay, tonight's the night. After two long months Roger and I are finally going to do it.

Get your minds out of the gutter, you perverts, I'm not talking about that, I just meant we're going out in the open with our relationship. Yeah, Collins and Angel know, but now we're not going to hide it from everyone else. Sure I'm a little nervous about how my friends will react, but I can't put it off any longer. It's not fair to Roger for me to do that; I've already been stalling for weeks.

It's not like I'm embarrassed to be with him or anything, I've just always preferred to keep my personal life to myself. I've never felt the need to broadcast my business to everyone. I like to keep things to myself; it's easier that way.

Roger, on the other hand, doesn't care what people think. He does what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants. Which has gotten him into some trouble in the past. Sometimes I wish I could be like that. I'd love to walk down the street with Roger and not worry about what people might think. But that's not who I am, I'm always worrying about what people think of me. It's definitely not my best character trait.

"Hey Mark, you home?" Collins asks as he walks into the loft, interrupting my thoughts.

"Out here," I call through the window before turning my attention back to the streets below.

"Why are you sitting out here in the middle of June?" he asks as he sticks his head outside.

"Just wanted to think."

"You worried about tonight?" he asks as he steps through the window to join me. I just shrug my shoulders and stare off into the distance, not even bothering to answer.

"It's okay to have cold feet, this is a really big step. You have every right to be nervous."

"Roger's not nervous," I point out as the sun begins to set.

"Of course he's nervous, he's just better at hiding it. Listen, I know what you're going through. I've dealt with the same emotions and fears that you have now, but I've survived.

"Don't you care what everyone thinks?"

"Of course I do, I just refuse to let it get to me. I'm happy and that's all that matters. I'm not going to let a few ignorant people tell me how I should live my life."

"You really think it's that simple?"

"For me it is. There will always be people who tell you it's wrong, but I refuse to believe that I can't love whomever I want." We're quiet for a few seconds before I turn to him and quietly ask…

"What if they don't accept me?"

"Then they don't deserve to know you. If they can't accept you for who you are then you're better off without them."

"I know you're right, but it's still hard."

"If it wasn't hard, then it wouldn't be love."

"You really believe that?"

"Always, makes life more interesting. So, you feel any better?"

"A little, it's nice to have someone to talk to."

"Then my work here is done," he says before stepping back into the loft, "I'll see you tonight." With that, he's gone and I'm alone with my thoughts yet again. Wait…scratch that, here comes Roger.

"You're back early," I say as I climb back into the room and smile weakly.

"Yeah, the place was dead so Jim just let me go." Roger recently got a job bartending, so I wasn't expecting him back just yet.

"That's too bad," I say as I try to keep up the conversation.

"It's okay, I missed you anyway." I hate when he says things like that. I can't help but give into him when he acts so un-Roger-like.

"I missed you too," I reply before I walk over and kiss him softly.

"You call that a kiss? I thought you said you missed me?" Roger accuses teasingly as I pull away. I knew this would happen. I kiss him again. This time it's harder and longer, leaving us both short of breath. I'm really glad we got over all the awkwardness from the beginning, because Roger is one hell of a kisser.

"See, that's how you greet a person," he jokes before hopping onto the table.

"I'll keep that in mind next time I see Collins or Maureen. I'm sure they'll appreciate that kind of welcome as well," I say as I go to stand between his legs.

"Are you ready for tonight?" he asks after we stay there in silence.

"I don't know if ready is the right word."

"Still nervous?"

"I guess I'm just worried about what the reactions and ramifications might be."

"We don't have to do it tonight, we can postpone it again," he offers as he puts his hand on my shoulder. One look in his eyes and I know I can't do that to him again.

"Tonight's the night, I'm ready." I can do this. I love him enough to do this.

"You sure?" he asks, attempting to give me a way out.

"I love you, and I don't care about what anyone thinks as long as I have you. You're important to me and I'm tired of hiding that." You know what, I think I'm beginning to believe myself right now.

"I love you too Mark," he says as I lay my head against his chest and let his heartbeat lull me into a state of relaxation. Moments like these are what makes everything worthwhile.

* * *

_Roger_

"Okay, I'll admit tonight wasn't a complete success, but it wasn't a complete failure either," I tell Mark as we enter the loft.

"I can't believe her. Where did Maureen get the right to pass judgment on me? I mean she fucking left me to be with a woman."

"She'll come around eventually. Just give her some time." I'm not sure what else to say, I've never been great at consoling people.

"She shouldn't need time. She should be happy for me, she should be happy for us," he complains as he flops onto the couch.

"Maureen's just worried about you, Mark. She cares about you and she doesn't want you to get hurt," I reply as I sit next to him and put my arm around his shoulder.

"She's the one who always ends up hurting me. Kind of ironic if you think about it." Okay, it's time to get off the topic of Maureen. Continuing to talk about her can only lead to more trouble right now.

"Hey Mark?" I ask as I turn to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you. I know how nervous you were about tonight and I want you to know how much this means to me." God, I'm becoming so sensitive lately.

"You mean a lot to me," he replies softly as he leans against me.

"Come on, let's got to bed," I say after we sit in silence for about 5 minutes. It's been a long day and I'm pretty sure Mark's about to pass out.

"Okay," he yawns as he stands up and begins to walk towards his room. He stops at the doorframe, then turns around to look at me "Are you coming or not?"

"Mark, I don't think tonight's the right time to…"

"Just sleep, Roger. Please?" Just sleep, I can do that.

"Okay, sleep." I agree as I get off the couch and walk over to him.

"Goodnight Roger," Mark says after we both lay down on the bed. He's facing me, so I lean over a place a small kiss on his forehead.

"Goodnight Mark." He curls against me and I realize that these moments are what make life so wonderful.

(The Next Morning)

Mark's still asleep as I wake up, so I take this time to just watch him. He looks so young and innocent when he's sleeping. He's completely relaxed with this little smile on his face and I can't help but love him. Unfortunately, my good morning is ruined as Maureen's words come back to haunt me…

'Roger's just going to hurt you Mark. Can't you see that?'

'You really want to waste your life on him? You can do so much better than Roger. You deserve someone who can treat you right.'

'Don't you get it? Being with him could kill you! He isn't even the risk.'

I'll be the first to admit Maureen and I don't get along, but I never thought she felt that way. I tried to ignore her rant for Mark's sake, but now her arguments just keep running through my head. I mean, didn't I hide my feelings towards Mark for those exact reasons?

He still loves me though. In spite of all my faults and issues, Mark still loves me and wants to be with me. How did I end up with someone like this, someone loving and caring who wants me no matter what? What did I do to get so lucky?

"Hey, you're up," Mark says sleepily as he opens his eyes. He fumbles around for his glasses then looks back at me.

"Good morning," I say before he leans over to kiss me.

"Morning. How long have you been up?" He asks after pulling away.

"About an hour."

"What were you doing for that long?"

"Watching you," I say simply as he begins to turn bright red. I love making him blush.

"Hey, about last night…" he starts off nervously.

"Look, it's no big deal."

"It is a big deal, Maureen had no right to say those things. I love you and she should just accept that. Her opinion doesn't matter to me."

"Come on Mark, she's your friend. You know you care what she thinks."

"No, not anymore. I'm tired of her trying to run my life. I can make my own decisions."

"Just let her think things over before you do anything rash." Why the hell am I sticking up for her? Mark opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off by the answering machine.

"SPEAK."

"Mark honey, it's me, Mom. I know you're probably screening your calls again, so I'm just going to say that I'm in town. Listen, I really need to talk to you, so I'm going to be coming over around one o'clock. I love you sweetie." The answer machine clicks off and Mark sighs before pulling himself out of bed.

"What time is it?" he asks as he digs for a clean shirt.

"12:20," I reply as I turn the rarely used alarm clock around to face me.

"Shit, I need to straighten up the loft before she gets here."

"How about I straighten up, while you take a shower?" I offer.

"You never volunteer to help around the house. Are you sick or something?" I swear, you try to do one nice thing and everyone thinks you've turned into a pod person.

"Get in the shower before I change my mind," I say as I roll my eyes.

"Wow, the place actually looks neat," Mark says, amazed, as he steps out of the bathroom about 20 minutes later.

"I know how to clean, thank you very much."

"Then you should do it more often."

"Shut up," I joke before he starts for the loft door, "Where are you going?"

"I thought I'd wait for Mom outside. Who knows what kind of people she'll run across trying to get up here. It's safer this way," he replies as he opens the door.

"Wait," I say as I grab his hand and pull him against me.

"What do you want?" he asks with a smile before I kiss him slowly.

"I wanted to do that before your mom comes."

"Well in that case…" he trails off before leaning in to kiss me again. It starts off slow like the first kiss, but soon escalates until Mark is pressed against the table.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," I joke as his lips travel down to my neck.

"Less with the talking," he replies before kissing me full on the mouth again. I'm so caught up with Mark that I don't even realize someone else is in the apartment, until a bag drops to the floor. We pull away quickly, only to be met with Mrs. Cohen's shocked face.

"Mom, I can explain." Mark says as he steps towards her. She steps back and takes a deep breath before finally speaking.

"I…I think I'm just going to go." Oh shit, now what are we going to do?


	7. Chapter 7

_Author's note- Okay, I've got some bad news. I start my new job tomorrow, so it might take me a little longer to write new chapters. It all just depends on how my schedule works out. I am going to keep updating though. _

_As always, thanks to all the reviewers. I love you guys. I want to send another a big thanks to PrettyBoyFrontmanLove who is always quick to catch my mistakes._

_

* * *

__Mark_

"Mom wait!" I call out as I follow her down the stairs. She doesn't reply, just keeps going down until we finally make it out onto the sidewalk. "It's not what you think," I try to explain as I touch her shoulder. She turns around, looks me straight in the eyes, and asks,

"So I didn't just walk in on you kissing your roommate?"

"Okay, so it's exactly what you think. Mom, I didn't want you to find out this way."

"As far as I know, you didn't want me to find out at all."

"It wasn't like that. I was just afraid of what would happen. Because of…you know, what happened with dad."

"I'm not your father, Mark," she replies sadly, "I may not be entirely comfortable with this, but I'm not going to turn you away. You're old enough to make your own decisions."

"I'm sorry. I really didn't want it to happen like this," I say as I reach out and hug her.

"I know honey," she replies as she finally hugs me back, "Listen, if you're happy, then I'm happy. You're my son, and I love you no matter what."

"Come on, let's go back inside," I offer as I lead her back towards the door. "And you can tell me why you came out here in the first place." A dark shadow immediately crosses her face and she frowns. This doesn't look good. I wonder what's wrong?

"Hi Mrs. Cohen," Roger says sheepishly as we enter the loft. He searches my face nervously and I give him a little smile to show that everything's okay.

"Nice to see you again Roger," she replies evenly before making her way over to the couch.

"Um…about what happened…" Roger tries to explain before my mom cuts him off.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Mark. As long as he's happy, then I don't care whom he wants to be with. Now, I would really appreciate it if we could drop the subject."

"No problem. So, um…I'm going to go and see if Jim needs any help at work. That way you and your mom can talk alone," he says before grabbing his stuff. I know this must be uncomfortable for him. Roger's never been good at dealing with parents.

"I'll uh…see you later," I reply lamely as he walks out the door. Usually I kiss him before he leaves, but I don't think that would be appropriate. I guess now it's time to hear what the big deal is.

"Mark, I think you should sit down before I tell you why I came," Mom says as she points to the chair near her. I do as she says, and try and steel myself for whatever she's about to say.

"A few months ago, I wasn't feeling very well. I thought it was just the flu, but after a week I went to the doctor's office. Honey, the cancer is back." I sit there just staring at her, unable to process the words. "It's begun to spread, but I've decided that I'm done with the chemo and radiation. The doctors say I should have a few good months left," she continues as I try and understand. My god, my mother's going to die.

"You were doing so well though. You were in remission for almost three years. It's not fair," I argue.

"Life's not fair Mark, you know that just as much as I do. I've been thinking this over for a while, and I'm sticking by my decision." This isn't right. This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

I can't believe this is happening again. About four years ago my mom asked me to go back to Scarsdale and visit. I didn't want to see my father, so I went on the condition that I wouldn't have to face him. While I was there, mom sat me down and explained that her doctor had found a lump in her breast. She had cancer. She wanted me to come home because she was about to have surgery to remove the tumor. She talked about how the odds were in her favor and how she had the best doctors, but I was still worried. But then she came out of surgery fine. She was in remission and everything was going pretty well. Until now, that is.

"Are you sure there's nothing you can do?"

"Mark, I know this is hard for you, but I need you to understand. I don't want to spend my final days tired and sick from the chemo. I've lived a long life, raised two beautiful children and that's all I've ever wanted. My time is coming and I've accepted that." I don't know how she can just sit there and talk like this.

"You're just giving up? What about Cindy and me? What are we supposed to do?"

"I love you and your sister, but you guys are going to have to accept my decision. Although I hate having to leave you two behind, I know this is what I want." I can feel the tears gathering behind my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of her right now. I need to be strong.

"I love you mom," I say simply as I hug her tightly. I can't believe she's just letting herself die.

"I love you too Mark, more than you'll ever know." We sit like this for a few minutes before she pulls back and dries her eyes.

"Enough with all this talk of death. What's done is done," she tells me as she stands up and looks me over, "But you, my dear, are much too thin. I think I should treat you to lunch. Who knows the last time you had a decent meal?"

"I'm fine Mom, I'm not hungry."

"Mark Cohen, I refuse to argue with you about this. Now, where do you and your friends go to eat?"

"The Life Café, but mom, shouldn't we talk some more?"

"Talking about it won't change a thing. Right now, I want to take my son out. Is that okay?"

"Okay, let's go." I finally stand up and open the door, where we're met with Roger's confused face.

"Um… Jim didn't need me just yet, so I thought I'd just come back for my guitar," Roger explains.

"We were just going out to lunch, would you like to join us?" Mom asks with a smile.

"I don't think…" Roger attempts to say.

"I insist. You and Mark are too thin."

"I guess I could eat…thank you for inviting me," Roger replies uncomfortably.

"I guess we should get going," I say, trying to get out of the awkward situation.

"And now I can get to know my son's…boyfriend," she adds as we begin our descent down the stairs. This is such a bad idea.

_

* * *

_

_Roger_

"So Mrs. Cohen, Mark said you used to enroll him in dance classes," I start as I try and break the tension. We've been at the Life for almost ten minutes, and barely anyone's spoken.

"Yes, Mark was a great dancer. A great tango dancer at least. He never seemed too interested in the other classes," she answers kindly, somehow making me even more nervous. Maybe it's the fact that I've never been good at meeting the parents. I usually tend to screw things up.

"That's because all the other classes were boring. The tango seemed exciting," Mark replies as he sips his tea, "At least it was until I was paired with Nanette."

"Nanette?" I ask, interested.

"She was this girl who had a crush on Mark. He was 14 and she was 16. It was all very scandalous," Mark's mom answers.

"It was horrible, she was all over me during lessons and I couldn't wait to get out," he remembers with a shudder.

"It doesn't sound that bad," I say as I nudge his shoulder.

"You have no idea, I was horrified," he says as he nudges me right back. We make small talk for a few more minutes before Mark excuses himself from the table.

"So Roger, tell me about yourself," Mrs. Cohen says the moment we're alone.

"What would you like to know?" I guess I should have seen this coming.

"What are your intentions with my son?" I swear it's always the same question.

"I guess I just intend to love him."

"So you aren't going to get restless and move onto something better?" Is she crazy?

"Ma'am, you can't do better than Mark. I'm just waiting for him to realize he can do better."

"I think you're good for him, Roger. I haven't seen him this happy in a long time. You make him happy and that makes me happy."

"Does this mean you're okay with us being together?"

"It means I'm glad Mark finally found the right person to love." I'm about to reply before Mark finally comes back to the table.

"So, what did you two talk about?" he asks as he slides in next to me.

"I was just telling Roger that I would mail him some baby pictures of you. You were such an adorable child. I wonder what happened."

"Mom!"

"I'm just playing with you, honey. You're still adorable. Right, Roger?" I look over at her questioningly and she smiles warmly.

"Absolutely," I reply. I think I've finally met a parent I can like.

I excuse myself after lunch and head back to the lot to work on a few songs. I figure Mark and his mom needed some time alone. After about three hours they're still not back, so I leave a post-it for Mark and head off to work. Now, bartending is not what I expected to do with my life, but at least it pays the bills. I just wish I could convince Mark to leave Buzzline. He's miserable there and he's barely worked on his movie since he started working. Maybe I can try and convince him to let me support him for a change. He's very stubborn, though, he refuses to put himself before others. He would starve to death before letting any of us go without food. But enough about that right now. I just want to get through my shift and go home. I want to go home to Mark.

My shift finally ends at one o'clock, so I tiredly drag myself home. Mark had to go to work today too, so I'm not surprised to find him passed out on the couch when I open the door. I debate for a few minutes about whether or not I should wake him up, but remembering just how uncomfortable the couch is, I decide that it would be better if he was in his own bed. Or mine. I'm not picky.

"Mark," I whisper in his ear as I gently shake him, "Come on and get up."

"Rog?" he asks sleepily as he squints his eyes to see through the darkness.

"Yeah it's me," I reply as I run my hand through his messy hair.

"I wanted to stay up and wait for you but I couldn't stay awake," he says sleepily as he begins to sit up.

"It's okay. Come on, let's go to bed." I'm pretty sure he's about to fall asleep on me soon so I let him lean against me as we walk towards his room. I deposit him on the bed and then pause in the doorway on my way out.

"Um...Roger?" Mark asks quietly.

"Yeah."

"Stay with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask," I reply as I slip under the covers next to him. I'll admit it, I sleep better when I'm with him.

"The cancer's back," he says suddenly as I turn to face him. Now that we're close I can see the fear in his eyes. I'm confused for a second until I remember his mom's visit.

"It's going to be okay, I'm sure she'll beat it," I try and reassure him.

"She's not fighting it anymore. She's just going to let herself die." His voice becomes shaky towards the end of the sentence and I put my arms around him.

"I'm sorry Mark." I don't know what I'm supposed to say. What do you do in this kind of situation?

"I don't want to watch my mom die. I can't just sit back and watch her get sicker and sicker until she fades away. It's not fair." He's crying now, so I pull him closer and stroke his hair.

"I know it's not fair, but you can't just wish it away. Right now all you can do is love her."

"It's hard, Roger. It's hard to just sit around knowing there's nothing I can do. I want to help her but I can't do anything."

"I know it's hard, but there is something you can do. You can make the most of your time together. You can love her and let her know that no matter what happens she'll always be in your heart. That's what she needs from you right now. She needs you to be there for her."

"I wish things were different," he says simply as he looks sadly into my eyes. It's at this moment that I realize the similarities between his mother and I. Sooner or later I'm going to leave him too. I'm going to die and he's going to be left alone.

"I love you Mark. I love you and I'm so sorry. If I could I would make everything go away."

"Just be with me. Right here, right now. I just need you."

"I'll always be here for you, Mark. I don't want to leave you." But I'll have to. I'll have to leave him behind eventually. He lays his head against my chest with a sigh and all I want to do is kiss him, but I can't bring myself to. All I can think about now is the fact that I'm going to hurt him. There's a disease running through my veins that will kill me and leave him alone. I don't want to leave him alone.


	8. Nothing Important Happened Today

Chapter Eight-Nothing Important Happened Today

I'm sorry it took so long, Word Document refused to let me on. It just kept freezing up. I was scared I had lost everything for a second. It was driving me crazy not being able to write for a week and a half.

_Mark_

I know we all grow up knowing our parents will probably die before us, but I never thought it would happen this soon. You see my mother died last night. God, no matter how hard I try this doesn't seem real. I mean just two months ago she was fine. But then she took a turn for the worse. And I felt horrible because I couldn't be there for her. I wanted to, but there was never enough time or money. I guess it's too late now. I never even got to say goodbye.

"Mark, we're here," Roger says as the bus comes to a stop. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm strong enough.

"Cindy said she'd meet us here, right?"

"That's what her message said; I didn't get a chance to talk to her. Are you going to be okay?" he asks as the passengers begin to file off the bus. I lay my head on his shoulder and sigh,

"I don't think so."

"I'm sorry about all of this," he says as he puts his arm around me, "I wish I could make it all better."

"I'm just glad you're here. I don't know if I could handle my family alone."

"Come on, we better go," Roger remarks as I realize we're the only ones left on the bus. I slowly make my way off and collect my old, beaten-up duffle bag. Roger grabs his bag as well, but then proceeds to take my bag out of my hands. I look at him questionably, but he just smiles and begins to walk to the front of the station. We sit down on a bench outside and wait for my sister to come. I'm about to give up hope after 20 minutes, until I see a blue mini-van heading towards us. Here we go.

"Oh Mark, I've missed you so much," Cindy says tearfully as she holds me tight. Considering I haven't spoken to her in almost three years, I seriously doubt it. I hug her back anyway, and she finally pulls away. When she notices Roger behind me she frowns and looks at me questionably.

"I didn't know you were bringing a friend."

"Cindy, this is Roger. Roger…this is my sister Cindy." Roger sets the bags down and goes to shake her hand.

"I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a very nice woman."

"Thanks," she replies as she shakes his hand quickly. Then she adds, "So you're the infamous Roger Davis."

"Infamous?" He asks as he takes his hand back.

"Well, you are the reason Mark hasn't come home in a while. He was always taking care of his roommate."

"Cindy, maybe we should get going. It's starting to get dark." She sighs and I see her start to retreat. It's times like these that make me never want to come back. Roger picks up the bags and sends me a grateful look for getting her off his back.

"I don't think she likes me," Roger whispers in my ear as he makes his way over to where I'm standing.

"She doesn't like anyone," I reply before he places our stuff in the trunk. We all get in the van, and are barely halfway down the road, when Cindy turns to me.

"I only have one spare room, so you'll have to share. I can make a bed on the floor for Roger."

"Thank you," Roger says nicely. I wonder what she'd do if I told her the truth about Roger and I? I wonder if she'd accept it?

"Helen and George will be so happy to see you again Mark. They've missed you." Cindy says right before we pull into her driveway. I sincerely doubt that. Last time I saw my niece and nephew, they treated me like I was nothing. I guess they take after my father.

Cindy honks her horn as we come to a stop and her husband and kids come out to greet us. Although I don't think greet is the right word since Helen is practically glaring at me.

"George, why don't you help Uncle Mark's friend with their bags?" Cindy asks as the 13-year-old. He sulks over to Roger, grabs my bag, and makes his way back into the house without saying a word. After a few introductions, Roger grabs his own bag and we make our way inside. As we walk in the door I can see bouquets of flowers all over the living room. That's when I'm reminded of the reason we're all here, the funeral.

"Dad should be by tonight for dinner, so make sure you're not late." Cindy says as she shows us to the room.

"Cindy, I don't think I should be around him right now. You know we don't get along."

"The man just lost his wife, you think you could muster up a little sympathy."

"Ex-wife," I correct right away. Then I take a deep breath and start again, "I lost her too, I lost my mother and I lost the only woman who's ever loved me just the way I am. So I deserve some sympathy as well. Listen, I don't want to see him. Not now."

"It's always about you isn't it? Can't you see he's changed? He's not the man he used to be. He's better now."

"I'm sorry, Cindy. I just can't," I reply as I turn around and head towards the room.

"You can't do anything, can you?" she says hatefully as she walks away, leaving Roger and me alone.

"Are you okay?" he asks as we step into the room and close the door behind us.

"This was a bad idea. We should've just gotten a hotel room or something."

"You know we couldn't afford that. If we had any money to spare, we'd be out of here in a heartbeat," he replies as he puts his arms around me.

"Everything is just happening at once, I don't know what to do anymore. "

"You have to go on living. So at least one of us is living."

"You're living too."

"Only if I'm with you," he says simply, and after weeks of exhaustion I finally break down and cry. I cry for my mother, for my friends. I cry for Roger, and I cry for myself. I cry until I have nothing left and then I lie down on the bed and listen to Roger try and comfort me. I eventually fall asleep, and am woken up several hours later by Roger gently shaking me.

"What's wrong?" I ask as I finally come to.

"Your sister said your father is on his way over, so I thought you'd want to go before he got here."

"Yeah, thanks for waking me up."

"No problem. Hey, maybe you can show me some of your old hangouts. I can finally find out something about the mysterious Mark Cohen."

"I'm not mysterious."

"Then prove it, let's go." I reluctantly get out of bed, slip my glasses on, and get ready to go.

"So, where to first?" Roger asks excited as we start walking down the street.

"I guess we could go to my old high school. It's nothing special though," I say as we turn left and begin our way towards Jackson High. The moment I spot the school, tons of painful memories come flooding back. That may have been the worst 3 ½ years of my life. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

"What's wrong?" Roger asks. I suddenly realize that I've stopped walking and jog to catch up with him.

"I was just replaying some of my least favorite memories. High School wasn't exactly the highlight of my life."

"And what was the highlight of your life?"

"The day I met my best friends. I wouldn't trade you guys for anything."

"You're incredibly sweet," he says before he plants a kiss on my lips. I wouldn't trade this for anything either. "Hey, wanna go make out under the bleachers?"

"Roger!"

"It was just a suggestion."

"You are such a pervert."

"Damn straight!"

"Come on, lets go see if the Jewish Community Center is still open. Maybe I can finally teach you to tango." I swear the boy has two left feet.

"Good luck with that."

"Let's go." At least now I have something to take my mind off of the upcoming family drama.

_

* * *

_

_Roger_

After an unsuccessful tango lesson, we stop by an old drive-in that Mark claims he used to sneak into. Apparently this is where Mark discovered his passion for movies. He was watching _Psycho _and decided then and there that he wanted to make films too. For me there wasn't some big revelation. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a musician. My grandmother even has pictures of me as a toddler, holding a fake guitar.

"So, where to next?" I ask as we begin to roam the streets once more.

"I don't know, I guess we could head over to the old park. There's not much else to do here."

"Anywhere's fine with me," Especially if it keeps him occupied. I'm not sure what else I can do for him. I've tried to comfort him, but now I'm just trying to get his mind off of everything. It's the least I can do.

"We better go before it gets too late."

"Why, is Scarsdale dangerous after dark?"

"No, I'm just not sure I know my way around here very well. I don't want to get lost."

"Don't worry Marky, I'll protect you if we get lost," I say as I slide my arm around his shoulders.

"Do you ever shut up?"

"Of course not. If I did I wouldn't be me, and you love me just the way I am."

"I never said that. I'd love to change a few things about you." See, now that is just mean.

"Like what?" I challenge.

"Your hair for one. It's a little too long. Makes you look like a girl."

"You are such an asshole," I say with a smile. He laughs, and I realize it's the first real laugh I've heard from him in almost three weeks.

"Hold on, I'm not done yet. Let's see…well, you always eat the last of the Captain Crunch and leave me the crumbs."

"Oh please, you don't even like Captain Crunch anymore."

"It's the thought that counts."

"But you always get mad when I don't eat, so what's the point."

"Who said there was a point to any of this? I'm just having fun."

"Well then, just continue making fun of me. As long as it provides you with a few good laughs." And he does continue. We go down a list of all my faults until we get to the park. The park isn't much at all though; it's basically two old swings and a broken slide.

"Looks like fun Mark. You really know how to have a good time."

"Shut up, it wasn't like that the last time I was here. It used to be nicer."

"We can still swing I guess, that way we wouldn't have come here for nothing."

"You want to swing?"

"As long as it means I can sit down, I'm up for anything." There has been way too much walking today. I need to rest for at least the next ten minutes. Yeah, I know I sound like a wimp, but get over it. We go over and sit on the swings, but we don't speak again for about 5 minutes.

"I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow," Mark admits softly as the swing rocks back and forth.

"Don't do anything. Just mourn your mother and forget about everyone else."

"It's not that easy. I'm not like you Roger, I can't just forget about everyone else. I care about what people think of me."

"I care about what people think, I just don't let it affect the way I live my life."

"But that's you, I can't do that. I grew up being taunted and it's still hard for me to stand up and be myself, especially around my family. And on top of that, my mother just died. That alone is hard enough to deal with." His voice keeps getting louder and I'm not sure what to do. I didn't think he'd react this way. I was just trying to help.

"Mark, calm down. I was only trying to make you feel better. You don't have to get so angry." I don't think that was the right thing to say, because he immediately gets off of the swing and begins pacing in front of me.

"Don't tell me to calm down Roger. Don't you get it? I am not okay. I'm a wreck and I don't even know what the hell is going on anymore. I'm confused and I'm mad and I just can't take anymore right now. I can't deal with this."

"Deal with what, Mark, your mom's death or me?" Why did I ask that? What the hell am I saying?

"I don't know, both of them." I was afraid of that.

"So what do you want me to do? Do you want me to just leave?"

"I think I need to be alone right now. There should be another bus tomorrow morning, I can give you some money for a ticket." What? Go home?

"I was only talking about leaving the park, I didn't mean going home."

"I think it would be better if we just spent some time away from each other. You can go back to the loft and I can stay here."

"So this is it? After everything we've been through you're just going to throw me away? I thought you loved me."

"I thought so too."

After he says that I can't take it anymore. I get up and begin to walk towards the gas station I saw a few streets back. I keep hoping that Mark will come after me and tell me he's sorry, but I know he won't. The man at the gas station gives me directions to the bus, and I get there in time for the last bus to the city. I call Collins to let him know I'm coming early, and I board the practically empty train. I know I've left my stuff at his sister's house, but right now I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. I make it back to the loft about ten o'clock, and immediately collapse onto the couch. None of this was supposed to happen. Mark and I were supposed to be happy. I mean, it took us so long to get together and now it's all falling apart. What is it, do I not deserve to be happy? Don't I deserve love just like everyone else?

My thoughts are interrupted as the phone begins to ring. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone, so I just let the machine get it.

"SPEAK."

"Hello, this is Dr. Weimer from Mercy Hospital. I'm calling for Roger Davis in relation to Mimi Marquez…" The moment I hear Mimi's name, I race off the couch and grab the phone.

"I'm Roger."

"Mr. Davis, I'm sorry to bother you so late."

"It's no problem. So, you said something about Mimi?"

"Yes, Ms. Marquez has been a patient of ours for about a month. I'm calling because she listed you as her emergency contact."

"Is she okay?"

"I think it would be wise if you came down here. That way we can talk in person."

"Yeah, okay. I'll be there as soon as I can." I hang up and stand there in shock for a few seconds. What else is going to fucking happen today? I make my way down to the hospital quickly, but even so, it takes me about thirty minutes until I get there. When I finally step in to the hospital, I quickly ask the woman at reception about Mimi. Instead of answering me, though, she calls the doctor. By the time the doctor gets to me, I'm incredibly nervous. I hate hospitals, and the fact that Mimi's here worries me. I know we ended badly, but I'll always still love her.

"Mr. Davis?" the doctor asks.

"Yeah, is she…is Mimi okay?"

"I'm afraid not, she's very ill. Before she came here, she was living on the street. We've been doing all we can to help her, but I'm afraid it's not enough. I believe she's only holding on for the baby." Wait, what baby?

"What do you mean baby?"

"Ms. Marquez is eight months pregnant. I assumed you knew, since she listed you as the father."

"Father?" I croak out. This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening.

"Would you like to see her? Maybe that would help." I nod my head quietly and he leads me down the sterile hallway and into a small room. She looks so frail and helpless, but I can't help but be angry with her. How could she not tell me? I see the small bump in her stomach, but I'm not exactly sure what I feel. I'm mad and I'm confused, I'm curious and I'm frustrated, and deep down, I'm extremely nervous. What am I going to do? What's going to happen now?


End file.
